Looking back over the past year is extremely difficult for me. It's really hard to relive the experiences, and even harder to share them. One minute I can talk about what happened, and then out of no where, the reality of what could have happened (and almost did) drops me to my knees. Just when I think I've gotten to a point where I can handle it emotionally, I break down and begin to cry. One day I can talk about it, and the next I can't. But I feel incredibly grateful to be here, and I'm actually happy for the direction my life is headed now!
I've never been one to complain "why me". We go through things in life that are hard, but it's usually expected to be hard. And when there's no other option but to deal with what comes your way, then you gotta just handle it. Sure, I've wondered why Covid affected me this way and not someone else. My supervisor and I both got it literally at the same time - she was out for 2 weeks and then went back to work. So why did I get it so much worse than she did?! I've done some research about it, but to me it feels like I'm looking backwards and focusing on the wrong things.
Life is always going to be hard. For a long time I thought eventually I'd get to an easier point. But no, there's just something new that's difficult to deal with lol. Everything I do is difficult except for blinking. Literally everything is hard for me, and this not only drains me physically, but also mentally and emotionally. Never EVER take the little things for granted. Everything, big or small, takes me great effort now. I could list what I can't do or how it's a struggle now, but that's not what I focus on. It is what it is and I have to keep moving forward. I have accepted this as my "new normal", but now and then I just get tired of the constant struggle in every thing I do.
Thank you to everyone who's supported me and worked to keep my spirits up. I'm sorry if I seem ungrateful to those that have reached out to me with words or support and encouragement, but emotionally it's very difficult to open up face to face, or even while talking on the phone. It feels like I'm reliving it each time I talk about the experience. It's not just a quick tale about one thing that happened. It's a looooooong story about so many things that it sounds fictional.
Because I've received so much interest and encouragement about my recovery, I've decided to keep posting a weekly blog about this new chapter in my life. Some of you already know that I've recently had to move back to Louisiana due to financial and physical needs. Even moving back was far more difficult than I expected and has been a story in itself. But, I'll save that for next week! I have gotten lots of support and encouragement and eventually once I'm settled, if that ever happens, I definitely want to meet for a long lunch to catch up!
LOVE ME SOME BUC-EE'S! Spent over an hour there on the drive to Louisiana the night I moved back. Because, you know, priorities! Excuse my hair - it was hot and humid even at midnight in Texas.